Only dreams
by ChiisanaAnisa
Summary: Chihiro remembers one boy that stole her heart long six years ago. One day she goes to meet her past and what she founds teaches her that she can love with no fear at all... OneshotCH


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Spirited Away.

* * *

_AN: Well, finally "Spirited Away" appeared in my country and last night was the premiere. You can guess I was the first in the line to see it and that I'm absolutely in love with it. I just didn't like how it ended so here is my seeing of how it was supposed to end. After all this is fan-fiction ne? Enjoy!

* * *

_

**"Only dreams"**

**By Chiisana Anisa**

* * *

She never meant to end it that way. She knew from the bottom of her heart she didn't want to let go, to just leave and forget as she grows older by the day, waiting for a promise to be fulfilled. Maybe she was afraid of disappointment, maybe she was just scared she could feel such strong emotions at that age. But she is sure, as she was sure then - it was love.

When the first sun rays washed over her face, her eyes sleepily opened and she turned around to face the wall, wishing for a few more minutes of sleep and quietness. Three loud smashing noises broke out through the house and that idea instantly fled out of her head. So much for peace. Stretching, she raised up in a sitting position and waited.

"Chihiro! You're breakfast is getting cold and you'll be late for school!"

Ah, there it was. Her dear mothers encouragement to get up and get ready for another day. Wait, that wasn't all of it. Any second now...

"Now Chihiro!!"

Yup, that was it now. She shook her head, she knew her mother too well. And now, another loud bang should be heard, the one of her doors connecting the wall of her room. _Bang! _Well yes, nothing ever changes.

"Onee-san!" Little boy jumped on her bed, straight into her arms which she promptly folded around him, in a hug just as she did every morning. Her little brother was now five years old, while she was sixteen. And she enjoyed every minute of her being that much years old. One bright smile on someone's face flashed in her mind and her eyes opened in a haste, her hands going limp around her brother's small body.

Her breath became ragged and the boy in her arms looked up at her worriedly. "Onee-san, is everything all right?" The kid inquired.

Composing herself, she nodded and gave him one special bright smile, just for him. "Of course, Seiichi. Just a shiver, that's all." Seiichi happily let go of her and jumped of the bed and if it was possible left her room in the trail of dust running for the kitchen. She knew why he behaved like this, the wonderful smell of their breakfast reached her nostrils and she got up, her stomach forcing her to do so.

However, that picture still lingered at the deepest corners of her mind, like a long forgotten memory, a thing she threw away and is still trying to get rid off. She knew who's smile it was, of course she knew, why else would her heart flutter like this even after six years?

_Left alone with just a memory,_

_life seems dead and so unreal_

_All that's left is loneliness,_

_there's nothing left to feel.._

Somehow she found the needed strength to walk to her dresser and get clothed, her hair with quick movements put up in a tail she wore constantly, always braided with the purple sparkling band. She thought it should have worn out with the years but it remained the same, like it was on the day it was made. It made her happy, at least one thing she wanted to hold onto made it possible for her just to do so.

Breakfast went on in blur, her mother rushing her all the time, warning her she'll be late for her classes. With a yell of goodbye to her parents she disappeared from the old japanese house, colored in blue on the top of the hill. The bus was already waiting for her, a luxury she was most grateful because she lived so far away from the school. Moving in and sitting down she prepared for the day, mentally and physically.

School passed as well it could, just as ordinary as it was any day in the week. The only thing bad in the whole morning was a constant memory following her around, where ever she went. So, coming off the bus she didn't even register where her legs were taking her, she just went with the flow. Soon enough she found herself faced with the large building, an ancient shrine, and that creepy smiling stone at the entrance of it. Blinking she recognized where she was and thought about when was the last time she came here.

_There's a secret path I follow_

_To a place no one can find_

_Where I meet my perfect someone_

_I've kept hidden in my mind_

Memories once again rushed in, full power on, her remembrance of an event from six years. As so many times before she wondered what would happen if she was to pass that dark tunnel again, to step out on the other side. Would she still find what she left?

No answer came to her question yet again, as it never did so many times before. For six long years she didn't dare to come to this place from her mind, she forbided herself to think about that world again, to wonder what would have transpired if she decided to stay that day. She put a ban on her heart because of it, wishing it never felt that awful pain of breaking again. Ever.

And yet, here she was, standing at the exact same place from her past, from her first time she came. Not thinking she walked into the tunnel and passed it with ease, dark no threat to her this time, although she was alone. The Sun on the other side shone with equal power, the grass a big deal taller then she remembered.

_Where my heart makes my decisions_

_Till my dream becomes a vision_

_And the love I feel_

_Make him real someday_

Her eyes squinted while she tried to see past the tall grass and to the steps she knew were near. A picture draw itself on her horizon and she stepped back. It seemed so painfully familiar, the figure before her and it took minutes for her to blink and look again. This time it was just a shadow of a near by tree.

She sighed and smacked herself on the head two times, an old habit from her childhood. Now, something in her urged her to go forward and she did, her legs stepping up and up the stairs she walked the last time hand in hand with the boy that held her heart then. It was a young love, one she was supposed to remember with a smile. But no, that love decided to stick to her heart throughout the years and despite her it even grew stronger. But she dreams of that boy was all she had when she tried to imagine how would he look now. Only dreams.

She never asked him how old he was and she presumed he was a year or tow older than her. He looked that way too. So now he has eighteen, if he is still alive that is. And she smacked herself again. Of course he was alive! How dare she even think he could be dead?

_'Cause I know he's out there somewhere_

_Just beyond my reach_

_Though I never really touched him_

_Or never heard him speak_

Such dark thoughts aren't allowed to her brain, she reminded herself. For that small amount of time they spent together she fell in love with him, as much as one girl of ten age can fall in love with someone. Later she saw that love for what it was. Too bad she had to remind herself she lost it.

_Thought we've never been together_

_We've never been apart_

_No we've never met_

_Haven't found him yet_

_But I know him by heart_

So much thinking about that sweet, sweet boy that captured her heart brought crystal tears to her eyes and now they poured down her face, slowly rolling down. She recalled that promise of finding each other again, no matter the time and place. However that promise never came true. She and he broke it both. She never came again and he never looked for her if he left Yubaba at all. She cried even harder, her heart in pain.

_Am I living and illusion?_

_Wanting something I can't see_

_If I compromise, I'd be living lies_

_Pretending love was never meant to be_

What a fool she was! Why she trusted him so blindly not to turn around that day and see what would happen if she did? What was so grave that needed to warn her not to turn around to see him, if only for one last time? And even when she did, she was too far away to actually see him. And you can only imagine how much she regretted that.

_Cause I know my heart's worth saving_

_And I know that he'll be waiting_

_So I'll hold on and I'll stay strong till then_

She fell down in the grass, her legs giving out on her and her fists grabbed the grass as she fell, her screams suppressed in her throat. She didn't want to be heard, instead screaming and yelling inside of her mind, her body shaking with the pain shooting through her body, the memory so heavy on her conscience she could hardly bear it anymore.

She knew, now was too late for them, they lost their chance six regretful years ago, the remorse in her growing more with the seconds as they passed by in time. He was now beyond her reach, probably in his world. How sad it was that they met twice and never... Never... Never realized what destiny gave them.

_No, we've never met_

_Haven't found him yet_

_But I know him by heart_

With a big sigh finally, after so much time his name left her lips, rolled of them softly and danced around on the wind.

"Haku..."

And this time her heart cried out for him, not only her eyes. She thought about all the nights she spent dreaming of him, her saviour, her night in shining armour... her love. How she dreamt of their life together, how they found each other and lived happily ever after... But that were only dreams. Nothing more.

She bent her head, hugging her knees to herself, closer and closer till she found no possibility to bring them any closer than they already were. Her hair fell out of the band, which danced before her eyes, the spark gone as it descended on her outstretched hand. Suddenly she figured it out. She didn't have any faith anymore. Nor did the band. She didn't believe in the reunion with so much hurt in it. The magic stopped.

Two tears fell, down on her knees and as if they called out to her she saw something in their small surface she would never believe to see again. She gasped and raised her head upwards, but didn't turn around. The picture seen in those two white drops of salty water spoke and she felt shivers run down her spine.

"You can look back this time, Sen."

And the voice sounded so welcomed to her sanity, so warm to her soul and so full of love for her heart. She jumped and in two steps threw herself in the arms of a boy standing behind her. His arms closed instantly as she flew in, squeezing her tightly as if knowing how hard it would be to ever let go again. This time her tears were one of happiness as they rolled down her cheeks and onto his shirt. She could feel his heart singing in her ears, telling her he was real and there holding her just as she dreamed.

Rising her brown eyes to assure herself for the last time, she met his green ones and smiled a smile so big she knew it would hurt her later. But it didn't matter. He was here, her Haku was here. However the first words she said where full of doubt.

"Am I living in an illusion?"

Haku smiled to her, moving the lost bangs of her hair out of her face as he cupped it with his hands wanting to do something he dared not six years ago. Hollow and sweet, full of love whisper drifted to her ears before she closed her eyes and let him kiss her for the first time, let him take her back and make her ten years old again.

"No, not this time."

The sun shoved the clouds away from the young couple, reunited after so much time again, glad that fate decided to give them a third chance. And if anyone looked better, they could probably swear that creepy stone smiling at the both sides of the entrances winked at someone hidden in the sky whose shadow remained hidden well. And forgotten...

_No, we've never met_

_Haven't found him yet_

_But, oh yes, I know him by heart

* * *

_

**THE END**

* * *

_AN: I'm sorry if it seemed rushed out, it wasn't meant to be that way. And for the mystery part, well I love to play like that with the words so forgive me again if any confusion might've taken place._

_I'm pretty much satisfied with how it turned out in the end, for I had a completely different ending in my mind, but oh well! I hope you enjoyed. Let me know!_

_Oh yes, one more thing. I don't know their real years, that was made up obviously, I tried to go with the way they made them in the movie. Also know, I tried my best not to screw up my grammar, my native tonuge isn't English._

_Thanks for reading,_

Chiisana Anisa


End file.
